Why does everyone think they are Dr. Spock?
Yesterday I was sitting in the back with baby while hubby was driving us through the drive-thru Starbucks. Now baby really doesn’t like to stop during her naps if we have been driving, so I was rocking her car seat back and forth to try to keep her asleep. She quieted down so I put my hand on her chest and eagerly anticipated this special treat. A moment later a tap, tap, tap was heard on the window. An older woman was motioning for me to roll down the window. Hubby did so for I, startled by her presence, stared blankly at her. Once my window was down she launched into her diatribe; “that was far too violent of rocking, you should NEVER do that again; that scared me”. She continued, but after that I was no longer listening because of my total and complete shock and horror. I could think of nothing to say to her (I blame the suprising nature of her visit). Instead of saying what I should have, I said “Oh, okay”. I was flabbergasted, embarrassed, and most of all humilated (even though I know I had NO, ABOSOLUTELY NO, reason to feel that way)! It was one of those times, when you think of SO many comebacks later, much much too late. Jared was appalled. He, as well as a friend who was with us, assured me I did nothing wrong or even close to wrong. (Just in case you are trying to picture it, I was pulling and pushing the bar of her seat back and forth, not jerking). I was hurt, I know I shouldn’t have been, but oh how it stung. I tried to let it go but I am such a baby when it comes to that stuff. I’m sure I’m not the only one to have had this happen, if you’d like to share stories I’d love to hear them.
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Oh, Amy. I’m so sorry. You know I have had many disapproving stares and guilt inducing glances, but rarely do people have the nerve to actually address me directly. Like you, I’m sensitive, especially about my parenting. It seems to be a spot that is unusually tender when poked. I know I have my flaws, and I’m sure that’s where the insecurity stems from. I would have been bawling in your situation, though as you point out there was NOTHING you did wrong.
Not too long ago on a trip to Fred Meyer alone with the boys I let them stand in tall end of the cart while I pushed. An older lady (seems to be the typical suspect) stopped me and told me how worried she was that the boys would fall and that I shouldn’t allow them to stand in the cart. Wow! As though I hadn’t considered the thought. I just smiled uncomfortably and mumbled something about being careful as we continued on our way. It does feel so humiliating though. I know people mean well, but I’m not a complete idiot.
Keep doing what’s right for you and Sunita. You’re a great mom!
I have a couple of stories, however, right now I just want to encourage you. There will always be people who are stupid. Maybe that lady was one of those and needs to be pitied and prayed for. But, possibly she is one who makes it her life-long goal to be minding other people’s business. Enemas often help people like that. In any case you guys keep on keeping on–you are doing a fabulous work with your daughter!! Every time I see her she is smiling more and more, and growing closer to you both. To quote a famous chef, “The proof is in the pudding.”
Nice to meet you!!! I am so jealous that you are related to Shaun and Gypsy. I have known Gypsy since the first grade but it would have been even better to be related
So your sweet little girl is beautiful!! And as far as the crazy lady goes, oh my gosh I could give you stories. People are freaks!!!!!!! The older I get the weirder they are. I once had a crazy lady follow me around the grocery store because she had felt that I had been cruel by not giving my daughter goldfish crackers. And no, I am not joking. She then chided me because I had not wiped said child’s nose (because she was crying hystericaly) and then gave me kleenex that I most certainly did not request. Cookoo!!! I bet you laid awake a night thinking of all the best comebacks, I know I did!
Ah, dear Amy, you’ve hit a nerve with this one! Let’s see…there was the Starbucks barista who tried to talk me out of ordering an iced coffee with caffiene in it when I was visibly pregnant. She protested at least three times before handing over the beverage. My face gets red just thinking about it.
There was the elderly German couple in the park who clucked their tongues and shook their heads woefully when I declined to roll Nels in his stroller into the shade from the sunshine at their insistence. I should have thought to assure them that my son was not, in fact, a vampire, and that a few minutes of sun would likely do him no harm. I’m sure there have been many, many more cases which I have blocked from my memory, because I TOTALLY know that awful feeling where you’re thinking “I know, there are terrible people out there who are not safe with their children and I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!”
I thought a good comeback might have been, “God has entrusted ME with the care of this child and not YOU! So please mind your own business!” I would want insert an adjective before the word “business” but that would probably not be wise.
Crazy people only understand direct language, if any. Can’t treat them nice. Just like terrorists cannot be negotiated with.
amy, i was reduced to tears and several sleepless nights when, 13 years ago, after a similar situation. after a long week of planning and executing my sister in law and three nieces funerals we were in newberg and thomas and connor (then 2) wanted ice cream. they headed into dairy queen, leaving me in the car to nurse crying kaija in the parking lot. i was sitting in the passenger seat with the door opened, nursing with a blanket over my shoulder so as to be discreet. a woman drove by, went through the drive through and then proceeded to come back and park next to me, get out of the car and lecture me about how scarred her 3 year old son was by seeing me breast feed my child in the car as they drove by. i stared at her, mouth gaping open, and then burst into tears. she went on about modesty and privacy and about God’s call to decency (especially in public) and i sat there listening. it was terrible.
there will always be people who think they know the “right thing.” you, however, know sunita’s thing. you are a bright, connected, informed, and loving mother who will do the right thing.
i am behind, next to, and in support of you all the way!!!
by the way…dr. spock was mostly wrong. take that, those of you that think you’re him.
signed, a dr.