Laugh Lie

We are starting to see a trait in Titus that is interesting and difficult.  We’ve noticed he laughs when he feels uncomfortable.  On the surface this may seem like a good thing (better then crying, right?), but it makes it difficult to judge his comfort.  Is he laughing because he is happy and having a good time, or is he laughing because he this is his coping strategy for a stressful situation?

We’ve also noticed he wants to hide when he feels uncomfortable.  Often his hiding takes the form of peek-a-boo or hide and seek.  Although it looks like he is having fun, it’s become pretty apparent it is one of the ways he deals with emotions that are TOO BIG.

He is a true joy and his laugh is infectious.  He is silly, and funny, and weird and I love him to pieces.  I want to protect him.  I want to make him feel safe.  It’s hard because I don’t always know how.

Once he starts crying he doesn’t stop.  He so wants to please me, he tries so hard, but he cannot figure out how to turn off the sad.  It doesn’t have to be a big deal – it could be water in his eyes or a bump on the chin, or his sister touching him.  He doesn’t cry often, but when he does it’s like a river of grief.  I want to comfort him and only about a day ago did I feel like I had any success.

We are learning together how to be together.  I desire wisdom.  I long to know and understand this new blessing in my life.  What a strange problem to have, a child that laughs too much, a child that laughs a lie.  I know you are praying for me and for us and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

2 thoughts on “Laugh Lie”

  1. Learning these new traits must be somewhat difficult. However you get the chance to interface with these feelings. How wonderful, you’ve picked up on his comfort or uncomfortable tells. Now you will be learning together. Love Dad

  2. amy, does my heart feel for all of you. this is a trait in people that always grabs my attention. i know that it likely belies all kinds of internal pain. i would love to talk more about this when together and, between now and then, covenant to pray for all of you as you each find ways of being congruent with eachother!

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